Thankful...Grateful...BLESSED

I was SO NERVOUS for today.  I had myself worked up, and felt on the brink of tears or vomiting, or.....BOTH... all morning and most of the afternoon.  I was told to not eat or drink anything after 8 am.  So, after my coffee and toast at 7:30 -  I had to find things to do.  I sent out some invoices and caught up on some emails, and then took a blanket and a book and went out to the yard.  The weather today was PERFECT - my favorite.  I let the sun warm me up and read a little bit.  It made a bit wistful for my days as a stay at home momma...but the bills don't get paid very well when I'm not working!  Anyway....thankful for this beautiful day.

Off I went to LMH.  I was not fully prepared for this day!  Jeremy met me there and waited it out with me...I had tests and scans and talked to different people, and had more scans....and then I had to wait some more.  There was some weird scheduling glitch in my patient portal, so I was about an hour and 15 minutes too early to see Dr Klingler and was starving,  Jeremy took me to get a late lunch.  We went to whatever the name of that place is that is now in the old Carlos O'Kelley's building.  I was pleased, and had been craving some chips and salsa....so we ate, and then headed back for my 3:45 appointment.  I was blessed to run into my dear friend Jana....hadn't seen her in awhile, so that was a treat!  I was slightly concerned about the appearance of my urine sample, but nothing was said and I am a firm believer in "no news is good news" so I am not going to dwell on that too much.

I am not exactly sure how I ended up so deep into God's amazing grace, but I gladly accept it.  I am so grateful for everyone's thoughts and prayers....

My Chest CT and X-Rays are CLEAR, my MRI is NORMAL.  *My labs are still a bit wonky - my calcium is too high, and my PTH is too high - so I will be seeing an ENT on Friday for further testing on that, but at this time there is
"no evidence of metastatic malignant disease" in my lungs, liver, bones, brain, or any other area of my abdomen.   I have even "graduated" to scans every 6 months for the next 3 years as opposed to every 3 months.

Blessed be!  There is an answer to my prayers, and a response to my cries.

I have a little bit of anxiety and worry about Friday's appointment, but right now, I feel like I can take anything that is thrown at me.  It's nothing but a bump in the road, and for that... 

I am thankful, I am grateful & I am truly BLESSED.  

There was a point in time, early in this journey that I felt hopeless and terrified and just..sad.  Then came the pain and the hurting and the feeling that I was NEVER going to feel right or normal again.  I remember feeling angry briefly... I wept, and I panicked and I worried...and then I prayed.  I asked for you to pray and I saw that even strangers were praying.  Your thoughts, your prayers, and your support...I deeply appreciate every whisper, shout and thought.

Thank you....

Scanxiety...

It's been 3 months and 7 days since I received the phone call that changed everything. "I have gotten the pathology reports back, and it is as we discussed and thought. The mass we removed was, in fact, renal cell carcinoma..."

Tomorrow I am scheduled for my first round of follow up scans since surgery. I'm doing these every 3-6 months for the next 3 years.  

I have been reading about this thing that other RCC patients call "scanxiety"... scan anxiety... anxiety about what the upcoming scans may reveal. Breathe in, breathe out.  Erg...

Jeremy, Ryan and I went to Branson for the weekend to keep my mind busy and to see my favorite bluegrass band.  The distraction was nice, the weather was beautiful, but my attitude and fear took over a few times.  I've tried to stay busy today and got a lot done. Jeremy even hung my hammock up.  He's too good to me, I really should remember to thank him more. 

So, my friends... say a little prayer for me. I am hoping to hear, "I have looked over everything, and see no evidence of disease! See you in 3 months, have a great summer!" 

I have had a couple of CT scans and a bone scan, both of which were negative, thank God!  He's really answered my prayers the last 3.5 months.  I'm starting to fear that my blessings are wearing thin...and then I remember that there's not a number that can be placed on His love or the many ways He shows his appreciation for my faithfulness. 

I will sing to the Lord, for He has been good to me. ~Psalms 13:6

God is good all the time...