First off, I want to express my deepest sympathy to you all in your devastating time of loss. My heart hurts for you all and I will continue to lift you all up in prayer, asking for peace, healing, and understanding.
Second, please know this:
We hear you. We see you. We FEEL what you are feeling today. We know that you are experiencing such a deep amount of pain and confusion. We are here for you.
I want to introduce you to someone.
This is George (with my sister Amber and my dad).
He was one of my best friends and he was the very first (non-family member) person that I met when I started going to school in McLouth in the 4th grade, 1989. George was a fixture in my life and in my home for many years, he was my brother from another mother. He may have spent more time in my home with my parents and sister than I did, at times. George was one of my biggest cheerleaders, and was never slow to tell me when I messed up. He was also right there to pick me up when I stumbled, and we had even entered an "agreement" of sorts....
You see, I made a bad choice, and made a big mess. My family and a group of amazing friends saved me from myself, and most importantly, they saved my son. George had made a mess of himself, too...in a MUCH less drastic way, of course. We had agreed that if we were both in such a mess 5 years down the road, that we would just be together and save everyone else from our self-destructive and annoying ways 😂 Our agreement was in place for less than 12 days, it was made in George's old blue truck on the way to Red Fortune in Bonner Springs, where George had taken me to eat dinner to celebrate my homecoming while my mom watched the baby.
George died on July 13, 2000. He was 21 years old.
He was enjoying a nice day at Perry Lake with friends when he went under to retrieve a dropped item and never came back up. Search crews were called out and they searched and searched and searched. The search ended late into the night, to resume the next day. My dear friend came to retrieve a few if us that had gone out dancing, and we gathered at my parents' house to wait for news. We had convinced ourselves that he must have become disoriented, swam off and was on the shore somewhere - confused, but that we would find him alive. His body was found the next morning, near where he went under to my understanding. Our lives have never been the same.
Your lives will never be the same.
I do not personally know your Adam, but from what I have heard, and from what I can see from the people that I love that love him...He has a lot in common with our George. To start, they are McLouthians, and that is kind of a big deal. Once you are a McLouthian, you are one for life. We all kind of gather each other up and take care of each other like we are all each other's family. I am now a transplant Oskaloosan, and I love my new family fiercely, but there is nothing like HOME. Your actual address does not matter. You are ours and we are yours.
Your Adam is also like our George ... larger than life. One of a kind, and full of a genuine love for life, people, and fun. I don't have very many memories of elementary, junior high or high school and beyond that don't include George. He was there. He was everywhere and we all loved it.
Those memories are what are going to get you all through the next seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks and months....talk about them, laugh and smile.
You may find that the lake that you all once loved, or that maybe you didn't give much thought to, now brings about different feelings. That's ok. It's a great amenity to our community, but you can be mad at it. Don't settle into that anger and camp there forever, because it is a beautiful part of our landscape, but it is ok to feel differently about it. Actually, any and all feelings that you may have about anything and pretty much everything may change...and that is ok. Take your time, process through. You are going to hear nonsense chatter, worthless and judgmental opinions about what he should or should not have been doing, and there will be very hurtful and harmful things said. Unfortunately for all of you, you have social media to fight ... there will be so many people that "know" all about it and will run their mouths to anyone who will listen, as some of you witnessed this evening. Pay no attention to them, and do not stoop to their level - you are all better than that and you know Adam. Stay true to him, to each other, and to yourselves. Many people will want to place blame, but in this situation...there is nowhere to place it. It was an accident.
A terrible, tragic accident.
My number one piece of advice for you, that I hope that you will all grab onto and not forget is this: LEAN ON ONE ANOTHER. Stay together, grow and heal together. Many of our fondest memories were made in the depths of our despair of losing George. I have always liked to think that he brought us all together in that way. I still hold every single one of the people that banded together at my parent's home in those first 2 weeks of losing George in my heart closer than most. We have mostly stayed in touch. Of course, some of us could do better, but I hope they all know that I am always here for them.
The next few days will be the busiest, and the most emotional. Please know that your community, your county, and George's people are all thinking about you. We are praying for you and wishing that we could take away your pain, for we would have never wished for another person to join our club. We welcome you with open arms, but would be happier to never have to share this pain.
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